A ending and, maybe,a beginning?
by Robin Redbird
Summary: Two agents one assignment one big mouth boss a couple of HUGE misunderstandings. Can TOny and Tim fix things before it's too late?


DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING!

THIS IS A LOT DIFFERENT FROM MY OTHER STORIES. I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT IS COMING FROM OR EVEN WHERE IT'S GOING. I AM ONLY POSTING IT SO THAT I CAN GET AN IDEA OF WHETHER OR NOT IT'S WORTH CONTINUING.

THIS IS SLASH SO IF THAT ISN'T YOUR CUP OF TEA, DON'T READ ANY FURTHER.

~NCIS~

It begins with an ending and the breaking of two hearts.

"Can you at least tell me why?" Tim asked in a quiet voice. _'What did I do wrong?'_

"Look, Tim." Tony said, hesitantly, running a weary hand down his handsome, tanned face. "I'm sorry. I—I guess that I just don't know what it is I want."

"But you do know what it is you don't want." Tim said numbly. '_You don't want me.'_ It went unsaid but the words echoed though out the apartment like they had been shouted. _'Why don't you want me?' _Tim begged silently. _'Why does this keep happening to me?'_

Tony started shaking his head before all the words had finished leaving Tim's mouth. "It's not like that…."

"Please," Tim interrupted. "Tell me what it is like then." He said, a bitterness in his voice that Tony had never heard before.

There is silence for a long time while they stood eyeing each other.

"Is this about the sex?" Tim forced out finally, dropping his eyes from Tony's, unable to meet his partner's eyes when he was being so pathetic. "I—I know that I don't—" Tim stopped and swallowed the lump that had suddenly taken up residence in his throat. "That I'm not—" He stopped again. "I know that I'm not as experienced as you're used to." Tim had only had one other male relationship and that had not progressed very far before ending badly and his relationships with women were few and very different than what he had with the senior agent. Tony had been everything that Tim could have hoped for, taking their relationship slow, not seeming to mind the little setbacks that came with someone who had his baggage, introducing him gently to what was still somewhat frightening to Tim; going faster when Tim became impatient, backing off when he got skittish. Tim knew that while neither of them left their sexual encounters unsatisfied, they could hardly be called exciting or passionate. Their lovemaking was somewhat tentative and often awkward. Hardly what 'Sex Machine' was used to. This really wasn't such a surprise. Tim had always worried that eventually Tony would get tired of Tim, bored with him, and move on to someone else. Someone with more experience; someone who would match Tony's passion and his skill. Someone who could keep his interest.

"Tim—"Tony started, shaking his head in denial again.

"So help me, Tony," Tim interrupted. "If the next words out of your mouth are _'It's not you—it's me' _or_ 'the sex is great, but…'_ " Because they both knew that it wasn't. "I swear I'm going to punch you!" Tim gritted out through clenched teeth, remembering quite clearly what Abby had said when she had ended their ill-fated love affair so many years ago. Tim would have thought this was a dream, that his fears was playing with his sub-conscious and acting out a scene eerily similar to what had happened with Abby, if it wasn't for the fact that his toe was still throbbing from where he had stumped it on his desk as he tried to navigate his apartment in the dark, not wanting to wake up his sleeping partner. He had come home after a long night at headquarters. Tony had left hours before, but Tim had been needed in cyber-crimes.

"But it _is_ me, Tim." Tony held his hands out placatingly."The truth is, I'm just not ready for this, Tim." He said, softly. Honestly. "It's too much, too fast." And it scared him. To have something this good, come on this easy scared the living daylights out of Tony DiNozzo. He didn't entirely trust it to last and he wanted to get out before it all came falling down around their heads. Before either of them became too invested. But the hurt he saw in his lover's brilliant green eyes was telling him it was too late for that. As was the wrenching he felt in his own chest at the thought that he would be waking up alone tomorrow morning.

"Why did you even start this, then!?" Tim shouted, anger finally replacing the numbness that had enveloped him after he had heard Tony say he wanted out. "Where did you think this was going?!" Tim asked in disbelief. "I told you before we started this that I wasn't made for casual sex! Damn it, Tony, I fucking TOLD YOU!" Tim angrily jabbed a finger in Tony's chest. "I told you to be sure!" Tim stepped back from Tony, breathing hard. "You promised me that you were sure!"

Tony closed his grass colored eyes in remorse and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I know." He said in barely a whisper. And he had been sure. Sure that this was what he wanted. Sure that he had finally found the one. The one meant to be his. The one that would love him through anything. He had tried to treat Tim like the precious gift he was. He had tried to show Tim in actions how he felt, even though he had never managed to say the words. He had tried to say that he had never wanted anything the way he wanted Tim McGee. Had tried to say, even though he had never voiced them, the things that Tim had only ever made him feel before. He wouldn't have even thought about ending their—whatever it was that they had—he'd been happy with Tim, happier than he could ever remember being before, but he had let a man that Tim and he both respected put doubts in his mind about something that he had never doubted the utter _rightness_ of before. The words that Gibbs had said haunted him, echoing through his mind, even in sleep, refusing to leave him, as fresh as they were when they had first been spoken days ago.

'_Yes, we know that Tim can stay professional and continue to do his job after ending a relationship with someone he works with." Gibbs had said, that night in his basement, reasonably and calmly, something that had been very unGibbs like. ' Abby is living proof of that.' Tony had been expecting anger that they had broken one of his sacred rules or hurt that they had waited so long to tell him about the change in their personal relationship. 'But what about you, Tony?"_

'_What about me, Boss?" Tony had asked, unnerved by this rational side of the boss he thought he knew so well._

'_Can you handle working day in and day out with McGee if this ends? Can you handle watching him date other people? Can you handle watching him fall in love? Get married? Have a family? Can you handle sharing his happiness? Listening to him when life throws him a curve ball? Supporting him? That's what he will expect because that's what he will do for you.' Gibbs had paused there, letting his words sink in. 'Only you know if you can handle being best friends with someone you are in love with.' Gibbs had finished, meeting his eyes and not letting him look away. 'If you can't, you need to end this before it goes any further.'_

But it had already gone further. Gibbs had no idea how far along their relationship had already gotten.

He'd been sure that he had found his forever person in Tim but Tony was scared and Tony did stupid things when he got afraid.

How did he do it? How did he just end what they had? How did he extract himself from the life that they had created together? How did he turn forever into just for right now?

"I'm not just one of your one night stands, Tony!" Tim continued angrily. "You don't just get to walk out like it's the morning after! We work together! We share the same friends!" Tim glared at the senior agent. "For the love of Mike, Tony! We're _married_!" There was so much more that Tim wanted to say. He wanted to say that he loved Tony. That Tony was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Tim wanted to say that life with Tony was wild, crazy and often frustrating but he wouldn't have it any other way. He wanted to tell him that he had never wanted anything as much as he wanted Tony and _this._ Whatever this was. It wasn't a marriage. Not yet. But Tim had hoped.

He had hoped. He deflated; breath leaving him in a sigh, shoulders slumping. A part of him wanted to keep fighting; to lash and cry out with anger. To make Tony see what he was doing was wrong. But there was another part of him that felt smug. It had been right. Because that part of him had always believed that this would happen and now that it had, well the world didn't really suck any more now than it had before.

"What do we do now?" Tim asked resignedly.

For a moment Tony stood there in surprise. He had expected more of a fight. In all of his imaginings of how this would go, Tony had never thought that Tim would just accept his decision. Tim had always been the voice of reason to his craziness; to his fear. What did it say when Tim didn't even care enough to fight. But a part of Tony was glad that Tim wasn't putting up more of a fight. That part of him was afraid that if Tim did, then Tony wouldn't be able to follow through and leave.

"We do what we should have done in the first place." Tony answered, unable to meet his eyes "We end this farce before it goes any further! Hell, Tim! We got married by accident!" Tony reminded him. "Because of a case. We wouldn't even still BE married if the stupid lawyers had done their job right!"

"But we are still married." Tim said quietly. "You are the one that said you wanted to give this a try." Tim reminded him. "Are you now saying that has changed?"

Tony remained silent for a moment, not sure he could say the words again.

Tim studied Tony's bowed brown head, wondering when it had come to this. He hadn't known, he hadn't suspected that Tony was so unhappy in their life together. How could they have had so much and now have nothing at all? Not even friendship.

"Just leave, Tony." Tim said softly when it became apparent that he wasn't going to say anything else. Tim couldn't say anything else because there was nothing to say. Tony had made his choice and he hadn't chosen Tim. There would be no swaying him from this course.

Tim watched him leave, knowing that he would go to his own apartment. His sanctuary. And really, shouldn't that have been the first clue that Tony wasn't as invested in this as Tim was? That Tony hadn't really believed that they would last? He hadn't even given up his apartment. Now wasn't that a slap in the face?

Tim went through his nightly routine on auto pilot, before he even knew he was in his bed but sleep refused to come. Instead, he was haunted by memories.


End file.
